Pelikan ve kronometre meselesi
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Kuş da yiyormuş meğer pelikanlar… Hiç sevemedim pelikanları zaten, o hayvan barınağında çalıştığım zamanlarda, kocaman gagalarına balık atarak beslerken bileğimden yakalamasınlar diye çevik ve sinirsek olurdum, ama bazen pelikanın açlığı benim çevikliğime baskın gelirdi, tırtırlı gagası yakalardı balığı tutan kolumu bileğimden. Ne sinir bozucu bir histi o. Diş desen dişleri yok, ama görünüşte hiçbir zararı olmayacakmış gibi pelikan, kollarımı zımparalıyor yakalayınca. Bıraksam beni de yutacak. Üstelik kafesine her girdiğimde panikle kanat çırpışı, elimdeki kovada güneşte eskimiş balığın kokusu, pelikana dokunmaktan hoşlanmıyorum çünkü bitleri var, ama o heyecanla çırpınınca bir toz kalkıyor, kim bilir havada belki de bitler uçuşuyor, beni psikolojik kaşıntılar basıyor… Pelikanı beslemeye dair güzel olan hiçbir şey yok sanki. Puhu gibi ürkütücü ama kendisine hayran bırakan bir güzelliği yok, kerkenez gibi küçük ama bilge bir hali yok, alakarga gibi akıllı değil, sevimli desen hiç değil… Pelikanı gözümde sevilir kılacak tek özelliği hayvan olması, o da bana yetmiyor.
Şimdi gördüm, az önce, balıklar azaldığından mıymış denizlerde yoksa zaten hep böyle miymiş bilmem, kuş yiyormuş pelikanlar. Sinirsek adımlarla, kendilerinden bir zarar gelmeyeceğini sanan sümsük kuşu sürüsü arasında dolanıyorlar, üçerli beşerli kabadayılar gibi. Sinsi sinsi, ama bir yandan da selam çakarak adeta, adeta az sonra işleyecekleri cinayeti çaktırmamak için “selamünaleyküm” diyerek, sanki elleri olsa arkada kavuşturacaklar, her şeye daha gündelik bir süs vermek için… Ama az sonra içlerinden biri belinden çıkaracağı silahla can alacak. Sallana sallana dolanırken sümsüklerin arasında, yaklaşıyor yavaş yavaş yavru sümsük kuşuna, lüpletiyor kaşla göz arasında.
Bu pelikan işi canımı sıktı, ama neden hiç anlam veremiyorum. Doğanın bir hali işte. Ne diye bu kadar takıyorsun kafana… Mutfağa gidip bir bardak sıcak bir şey içeyim diye mikrodalga fırında su ısıtmaya başlıyorum. Beklerken buzdolabını açıp turşu kavanozunu görünce bir turşu atıyorum ağzıma, güzel geliyor kavanozu tekrar açıp bir turşu daha yiyorum. Şu hayatta yaptığım işten, ne yapmak istediğimden, kendimden, üstelik o dakikada en de fenası, onca bitkili meyveli baharatlı poşetli poşetsiz çaydan hangisini içmek istediğimden emin değilim. O dakikada çok kararsızım. Küçükken birgün anneme “şu anda bir şey yapmak istiyorum ama ne yapmak istediğimi bilmiyorum” demiştim de bana “ona can sıkıntısı denir” demişti. Bu çağrışımın beni hüzünle gülümsettiği sırada, mikrodalganın çay konusunda karar vermem için bana ayırdığı süre bipleyerek doluyor ve ben, çilekli çayda karar kılıyorum öylesine. İçerken sevmeyeceğim aslında, ekşi filan gelecek, o dakikada eminim bundan. Ama bir karar vermem gerekiyor. Bir yerden başlamam gerekiyor.
Bir yandan çilekli çay kutusunu ararken bir yandan da insana bipleyerek zamanının dolduğunu acımasızca hatırlatan her çeşit kronometrenin, mikrodalganınki, ocağınki, ama özellikle laboratuvarda kullandığım kronometrenin, en az kuş yiyen pelikanlar kadar can sıkıcı olduklarını düşünüyorum… 3 dakikada bir solüsyon mu değiştirmek gerekiyor mesela, biip bip, biip bip, biip bip, “İşte sevgili bayan Düygü, hayatının 3 dakikasını daha geride bıraktın!” biiiip bip! Tekrar 3 dakika sonra… biip bip, “İşte bir başka 3 dakikası daha sona erdi hayatının, ha ha ha”… Biip!
Çilekli çay, bardaktaki sıcak suya girince poşetten hava kabarcıkları çıkıyor. Yayılan çilek kokusu, geleceğe umutla bakmamı temenni eden sinir bozucu derecede iyimser bir şarkı, ergenlik bunalımlarının ortasına “ben de geçtim bu yollardan ama boşa üzülüyorsun” dediğinde kendisine “beni anlamıyorsunuz” diye isyan edilen sevecen ve sabırlı bir ebeveyn filan gibi, o andaki kendimden ve her şeylerden eminsizliğimi, ve pelikanların kuş da yediği gerçeğini, ve kronometresiz yaşanamayacağını unutturmaya çalışan Noel Babalı, yapay mutluluklu bir Amerikan aile filmi gibi… Bu koku adeta “her şey çok güzel olacak” diye çığrınıyor. “Kapa çeneni çilekli çay, beni anlamıyorsun! Lanet olsun sana çilekli çay. Sana ayrılan sürenin sonuna geldin. Bip!”
————Finitto————
Bu noktada küçük bir not düşmeden edemeyeceğim. Geçen hafta buraya yakın bir şehirde çilek festivali vardı. Gittim gördüm, çileklerin hiçbiri canımı sıkmadı :) Hatta çilekli kek yedim. Çilekler pek lezzetli değildiler, festival de birşeye benzemiyordu ama, hayatta olmak güzeldi, önemli olan da buydu.
Amanda bana çilekli kek alıyor
Çilekli şarap içtikten sonra hepimiz süpermen oluyoruz
Dönüşte, arabada, aldığımız bir kasa çilekten yiyoruz
Hayat bu kadar ironik…
nana said,
Nisan 16, 2010 @ 02:03
Hahhhh! Ben de pelikanlar için benzer duygular içindeyim senelerdir ama bir türlü ifade edememiştim. Utanıyordum içten içe kendilerini sevemediğim için…. Oh ben de söyledim kurtuldum! Ey pelikanlar, sevmiyorum hiç birinizi! Gıcık şeyler…
Çilekli şarabını al da gel bir daha ki sefere, birlikte uçarız.
Duygu said,
Nisan 16, 2010 @ 09:05
Canımsın :(
NoDry (Fırat ♥eneee) said,
Nisan 17, 2010 @ 08:55
Bu ilk resimdeki gerçek mi yiyür mü hakkat ? O kadar büyük kuşlardansa daha böyle ufak civan gibi ağzına sığabilecek kuşlar yeseler olmuyor mu ?Piton misali kendi boyunda kuşu nasıl sindirecek.Zalım bir kuşmuş antipatiklendim.Çilek konusuna gelince çilekten alınacak en büyük haz reçelinden gelen taddır bence =) Hiç şarabını tatmasamda, hormonsuzuna rastlarsam kasa kasa alacağım..
Düygü said,
Nisan 17, 2010 @ 10:10
İlk fotoğrafda bir kediyi yemeye yeltenen bir pelikan var aslında. Ama ben kuşları yiyor olduklarından bahsettiğimden dolayı kediyi sizin gibi kuş sanan başkaları da oldu. Bu fotoğraf tamamen uydurma da olabilir, gerçek olmayabilir, ama pelikanın her şeyi yiyebilecek kapasitenin kuşu olduğuna dair güzel bir kare diye bunu kullanmayı tercih etmiştim :)
Murat E. said,
Nisan 21, 2010 @ 04:36
Merhaba,
Life’ın kuşlarla ilgili bölümünü seyrettim dün gece. Hakikaten kabadayı gibi dolaşıyolar diğer kuşların arasında, direk bu yazı geldi aklıma tasfirler çok başarılı :). Bir de ne boğaz varmış arkadaş bu pelikan denen hayvanda, nasıl lüpletiyolar koca koca kuşları 2-3 hamlede.
Pes vallahi pes…
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Mayıs 8, 2010 @ 11:31
Sinirsek güzel kelimeymiş.Hemen kullanımıma ekliyorum.Zaten ikircikli bir insandım şimdi de pelikanlara karşı kin besleyen sinirsek bir insan olup çıkacam.
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